The Myth of Singleness

Relationships are better the more single you become. Dr. Myles Monroe

 

I find it funny when I hear certain questions about singleness as well as my own. As if the only true goal in life is to be married to another. Yes, it is desirable. However, to be married takes work. So does being single. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Many may look at being single as a deficit, an illness, or an eighth wonder of the world. From a biblical perspective, 8 is the number for new beginnings. As this is my 8th year being single, I wanted to defy some of the myths of singleness. I was inspired to write this from watching some of Dr. Myles Monroe old sermons and the fact that every year around Valentine’s Day, society makes singles feel as if they have the Ebola virus.

 

  • MYTH #1 “Why are you single? There must be something wrong with you.”  

According to Merriam-Webster, it’s the opposite of being married. It consists of a separate unique whole. Unbroken, undivided. Having no equal or like. Designed for the use of one person only. Singleness is a place of grace. Not a place of validity to rush into a relationship. Even after breakups or divorce, the grieving of not being with another person brings you back to you. Especially if you are lost with being with another person. A person must be secure within before being willing to be pursued by another. I’ve had my experiences of doing singleness ‘my way’ then doing it God’s way. There’s a big difference. Singleness is where you work on you. Know your true identity. Know what God created for you to do on your time on Earth. As it states in 1 Corinthians 7 MSG, “The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.”

Singleness is more important than marriage because your marriage is as only as good as your singleness. Dr. Myles Monroe

  • MYTH #2 Single people are lonely. 

There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. Some may feel unfulfilled by being single. A major reason is that they haven’t tied the knot to fulfilling their purpose. Finding empty voids in multiple relationships, excessive spending, addictions, and so on are for the purposeless single. It’s also some of the major causes of divorce. The result of married people not being a success as single persons. Being alone is being secure. Not looking for validation from others and constantly seeking outwardly than inwardly. Constant loneliness is when something is missing. A single person can have these feelings as well as those in relationships. Going into a relationship to cure loneliness is the wrong reason to get into a relationship with anyone. A successful single is one that is secure within (flaws and all), learned to love themselves as well as others.

Your singleness makes you attractive. Dr. Myles Monroe

  • MYTH #3 Singles are always pursuing relationships. (AKA “Thirsty”). 

Contrary to this statement, there are many single people secure in being single. They are not defined by a status. And no, they don’t want someone else’s mate to borrow. Singleness is a time to discover you. Acknowledging the flaws and your strengths. A secure single is one who is not overly eager at every person in pursuit of them. Knowing what they have to offer yet not settling in life and definitely not in relationships. Their value is an investment in the community around them, in the marketplace, and known with family and friends. Successful singles are those that know how to cultivate relationships before, during, and after a romantic relationship.

Until you are separate, unique, and whole, you are not ready for marriage. Dr. Myles Monroe

  • MYTH #4 Singles are bitter. 

Anyone can be bitter. Singles in particular experience bitterness that rooted from rejection. A major part of being a successful single person is one that takes the proper time to be healed from hurt. That timeline may be different. It’s imperative to have the right circle around you. The saying, “The best thing for a woman to do is get under another man’s arms after being hurt by a man” are alternative facts. That’s being cut and bleeding on others without proper healing. As it says in the good book of Eccleisiates 3, “There’s a time for everything. A time to heal, to break down, build up,” and so on. Your timeline is yours. Don’t feel pressured to introduce kids in your world or rush to dating without properly being healed.

You’re not a half of a percent. You’re whole all by yourself. Dr. Myles Monroe

  • MYTH #5 Singles are incomplete. 

There are many songs out there that gives too much power for another person when it comes to relationships. Partnership, compatibility, loyalty and the like is wonderful. Music is a form of worship. We can adore a person but not worship a person. (Sorry Beyonce, I don’t want to be crazy in love). We have to renew our mindsets and the way we look at relationships as a whole. You’re whole being single. Enjoy time with yourself. Take a trip out of town, dine yourself, or take yourself out to the movies. You have to enjoy you before someone else does. Be comfortable in the skin you’re in.

 

Singleness is a great time of life. Discover yourself.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

-Tamieka Smith

 

Remember when I mentioned relationships my way versus God’s way? Read about some of my dating experiences in my latest book, GloUp Girl! A 21-Day Guide to Living Your Best Life After Toxic Relationships 

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